Welcome to my life.

closed.

2006-07-28T21:04:00.000+08:00

i end everything here tonight.

duties pwn hiro ._.

2006-07-28T03:44:00.000+08:00

have been doing so many ops lately.
last Saturday, NE show which also means,
the NDP preview for primary school kids.
on Sunday, some limkimsan died.
had to go down to the crematorium.
for nothing -_- ..
and tonight, went down to Istana.
for some ops, which i think it`d be safer not mentioning -.-
and on this coming saturday,
one more..
National Day preview -.- ...
and im the only guy who got 2 ops in one week
and the days are like only 2 days apart.

bottom line; NS sucks. =(

whining session over.
back to reality.

i realised something today.
if you`ve been reading my blog,
you should rmb the human nature post.
well now, here`s the bad news.
it`s mainly for guys thou.
man`s ego + human nature is a very bad combi.
-_-...
and i for one, am no exception.
and this shit is really making life really hard for me.

i think i`ll talk about this some other day. (:
because i`ve been really emo,
like everyone else i know, i guess. o.o"

lying under the night sky,
i`m looking for a star.
a star that i know
that could guide me when i`m lost
to give me warmth when i`m cold
to be with me when i`m alone.

but i couldn`t find it.
i felt a slight ache in my heart.
i felt a crack in my soul.
i felt a tear forming in my eye.
and so i closed my eyes
and then i realise
the star i`ve been searching for
could never be seen by anyone...

this star has always been with me,

in my heart.

6smiles.

2006-07-27T00:15:00.001+08:00

=D
(:
xD
=)
^^
:D

proven right was the one thing i was afraid of.

6smiles.

2006-07-27T00:15:00.000+08:00

=D
(:
xD
=)
^^
:D

proven right was the one thing i was afraid of.

my senses.

2006-07-24T00:19:00.000+08:00

i feel it.
everytime i feel it,
nothing good comes out of it.

so now,
if my senses dont fail me this time,
who's gonna be there for me.
who's gonna be the one to prepare me for the worst.

...
my destiny.
will it be the one i chose?

the reasons why..

2006-07-23T04:20:00.000+08:00

its never me to say exactly the reasons why.
i tend to keep it all inside.
i am never really all that good at expressions.
but sometimes i still try.
so whos to say i'm wrong or right,
when in fact they never really knew me deep inside.

d i s a p p o i n t e d .

2006-07-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

one is said to be lucky to be able to see.
yet to me,
as lucky as sight is bestowed upon me,
sight can sometimes be a torment.

...
sigh.
bye all.

still.

2006-07-22T06:08:00.000+08:00

i still feel pissed off. =why why why...
----------------------------------------
okays, heres something i wanna share
but its something i really despise.
something i heard from someone,
talking about someone else.

once upon a time.
there lived this bastard.
whenever he quarrels or have problems
with this girl he likes(?),
he acts like hes so poorthing.
like he has a whole world full of problems.
and then lets everyone feel guilty,
feel obliged to give in to him
not because of pity,
but simply because hes a friend.
still, should he be making use of this,
to play with the minds of others?
hmmm. (:

-.- nandayo !
dont know if the faggots will read this,
but yup, thats about all i wanna say.
and its so disappointing to have friends like that.
hah!
oh whatever. =.= ~

pissed.

2006-07-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

okay,
i just read some doods blog and
it totally makes me sick,
and pisses me off.

so yeah. i just wanna let the world know,
im fucking pissed.

ARGH.
screw the nerds. ^^

sometimes...

2006-07-19T02:03:00.000+08:00

sometimes,
i do things that make me feel real bad,
but i still do it in the end.
sometimes,
i do things that make me feel really good,
but i dont do it cause i know it`d make me happy.
sometimes,
i do things i feel is right,
yet others might think its really wrong.
sometimes,
i try to be myself,
but people say, thats not the hiro i know.
sometimes,
i make mistakes,
yet i never wanna admit it.
sometimes,
i wanna make people around me happy,
but it doesn't turn out the way i expected in the end.
sometimes,
i feel like i feel like life is meaningless,
yet i just couldnt bear to leave.

life is so full of shit.
yet sometimes, some things happen,
and shit turns to fertilizers to help you grow.

life, reality,
its just so full of ironies.
=why ? beats me.
ask god. maybe he just likes to play around.

sometimes, i feel so useless cause even thou i know the problems, i never seem to be able to resolve it.unable to cheer you up...

human nature.

2006-07-16T16:17:00.000+08:00

one wrong deletes all the previous rights.
human nature.
one mistake kills all possibility of the future.
human nature.
one lie destroys all previously built up trust.
human nature.

human nature is an ugly thing;
yet inevitable.

why can man never look past ones wrongs, mistakes, lies
and be reminded of the previous goods, rights.

to the almighty that i believe in.

2006-07-14T04:06:00.000+08:00

what have i become?
an animal?
more like a beast.
what difference does it make,
since they all act on instinct.

i've made mistakes
but one as stupid as this?
it became a habit that i cant kick.
i know i have to do something about it.

hey to the one above,
you need to show me, guide me,
to where i must go,
and what i must do.
i can't go on like this,
and i know you wont want me to.
so come on,
i know you're up there somewhere,
show me some love,
show me the path i should take,
and bring me to where you want me to.
i could work on this alone,
but i can never be too sure
if thats what you want me to be.
i dont wanna be alone,
so just check me out,
and let me know the answers
to my how what when where and why's.
so that i know,
that i can be sure,
that everythings in the right order,
the right way that you want me to be on.

if anyone of you think im in some kinda religion,
hell no -.-
thats just me speaking to what i believe is up there.
this one helluva hunk thats enjoying his time helping everyone else.
LOL. oh whatever.
well, whatever it is, i believe that theres some being out there.
i know that there really is some dood up there somewhere.
cause many a times when im really desperate,
he listens and answers.
so hey man,
dont think im crazy or anything like that.
im just being me. =D

haha! i sound like a walking advertisement for this dood,
but what the heck! :D

goodnight all.
^^

i think, ...

2006-07-10T05:19:00.000+08:00

i`ve been thinking for the past few days.
as in seriously considering about me.
about my behavior towards certain people and stuff like that.

and i think i should change. =its not gonna continue like this.
=.= this is bad.
and i know what i`m gonna be like from now onwards.
((:

yeahh.
anyways, i read this really cool stuff.
i think i should put this here.

...

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
you can raed tihs psas it on !!

...

cool or what ? hahas.
i was amazed at how fluently i read it,
like it was normal -.- ...

oh and anyways, im a genius.
you know why ? xD
because, ...

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

there are 6 f's and i got it all the first time. :D

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.

hehe ! =x
yeah, and thats about it.

sorry i couldn`t be there everytime you need me.
but i know i`ll be here for you from now on. xD

just one day.

2006-07-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

just one day outta one week,
just a few hours, not more than 3.
to be with my friends,
to hang out, to chill.
...

i think nobody can understand the life i lead.

nandayo !

2006-07-04T15:20:00.000+08:00

#1 ; what were you doing in secondary school?
waiting for some teacher to come out from around the corner and catch me doing something illegal or bad. hardly happens thou. shows how lousy teachers are. =D

#2 ; five of your favourite singers/bands?
.Jay Chou
.Bon Jovi
.Linkin Park
.Cascada
.Cao Ge

#3 ; five things you would do if you were a millionaire?
.i wouldnt touch it
.i wouldnt even dream about having it
.i wouldnt tell anyone that i have it
.i wouldnt spend a single dollar of it
.i`ll tell you the one thing i`d do with it,
keep silent til the day i die and bring it to the grave with me.

#4 ; five things you like to do.
.i`d like to quit ns
.i`d like to play games and make a name outta it
.i`d like to earn up a good sum of money
and then settle down with this one girl and have some kids.
.i`d like to kill everyone i hate, and not go to jail for it.
.i`d like to order a cheeseburger, a regular fries, a medium coke,
and extra cheese on the cheese burger. thanks.

#5 ; five things you will never get.
.any and everything that i really want,
i can never get. -.-

#6 ; five favourites.
.i have no favourites. o.o ...

#7 ; five people to do this quiz?
.want to do,
.just do
.dowan to do,
.then dont
.up to you. >=(

2006-07-03T18:16:00.000+08:00

Bon Jovi - Always

Bon Jovi - always.

2006-07-03T13:47:00.000+08:00

This Romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up.

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up.

Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby that's just me.

And I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always.

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh
Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say good bye.

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes I'm just a man.

When he holds you close
When he pulls you near
When he says the words
You've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him, that his words were mine
To say to you till the end of time.

That I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
If you told me to cry for you I could
If you told me to die for you I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you.

Well there ain't no luck in these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines.

And I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always.

--------------------------------

i know this songs kinda old,
but i like it alot ! xD
i think this is so very like me.
i can relate to it very well,
maybe thats why i like it so much. =p

yep, i just wanted to blog about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-E-olYQiQQ&search=always
go ahead and take a look at it :D

peep !

2006-07-01T03:59:00.000+08:00

i was peeping at some stuff online and
i saw something and i got quite..
hmm, pissed's not the right word but
thats the only word i can think of right now.
(limited vocab) bo bian xD

anyways, today went with lyn and grace to get lynette her new phone. although i think the phone isnt really good, but i like it, cos its orange. hahas. everybody likes orange. :D hahas. i had to sign a line for her under my name. and the silly lyn who wants to change the billing address didnt bring down any proof of identity or address. how to change address liddat. hahas ! oh wells, so meantime, its gonna be billed to my place. oh well, doesnt really matter does it :D hmm, after that tiring time looking for her phone, picking the one she likes the most and within her budget, and subscribing to a singtel line. phew, tiring T.T but its all worthwhile. just to see that satisfied look on her face. ^^hahas. yup yup so everyones happy, and we went to mac to eat. and then, home ! rawr. so tired. -.- ... i slept on the bus, came home bathe and sleep again. lols and then woke up halfway. hahas. and now, i cant sleep again ! hahas. so saddening ! I CANT SLEEP ! thats why im here blogging lah. if not you all think i got alot of free time to spare to blog ah! =x hahas. okok, nothing much to blog about anymore. hungry, tired. DYING !! byebye !

im so tired..

2006-06-17T05:22:00.000+08:00

i have decided.
after so much thats happened these days.

i will do whatever i want,
whenever i want,
just as long as i feel like it.
as long as i feel its appropriate.
i`ll just do it.
if whatever i do in the future hurts anyone in the process,
hey, all i can say is im sorry.
i just wanna be me.
im so sick and tired of trying to be nice,
trying to be so not me.
oh what the hell.
when will this ever end?
i cant live my whole life acting, can i?
sheesh.
to all you losers out there who honestly think im really nice deep down inside.
stop being stupid.
deep down inside,
im not what i seem to be.
i wasnt being me.
for such a long time.
i`ve never been me.
=.=

life as a nice person is just so troublesome -.-
why do i even bother? ..
to impress?
to make friends who think im nice?
haha. how stupid could i have been..
sheesh. screw it.

so then, see yall soon.
i hope u guys will like the new me yo.
bye.

going solo ?

2006-06-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

theres still some hesitation.
something stopping me.
who or what is it,
i cant tell.
what should i do?
where will i go?
tell me please, sombody.
cause i really need to know.

give me the answers,
i need to know.
before its too late,
and i`ve decided to go.
there isn`t much time,
you know its true.
so let me know,
do you love me,
or is it a fairy tale with a happily ever after that never came true?...

...

2006-06-06T07:52:00.000+08:00

it wont go away.
no matter how hard i try.
no matter how hard i fight.
it just wont go away.

this loneliness thats eating me from within.
this pain that cuts me so deeply.
this silence that deafens me so subtlely.

nothing works,
nothing helps.

i know for sure this time,
its just me, alone.

x`0uch-

2006-06-02T05:23:00.000+08:00

this title.
it has been my nick online, in games, my bluetooth.
well, you can say that u see it in my everyday life.
i never knew why but i had a special liking to that name.
maybe its just because im saddistic in a way ?
or maybe, ... its just my destiny.

to only feel pain. pain, and then, more pain.
until finally one day, i can feel no more.
until finally one day, death comes knocking on my door.
until finally one day, im dead.

the way i`ve been living my life.
it has always been so one person.
sometimes even when i was with `her.
which was like some long time ago.
i play my games. i watch my tv progs.
i do my own stuff. i hide everything i do.
hmmm.
yeah.
until recently, ...
i decided to be more, like 2 or more person, kinda person.
well, it started out well.
but soon after, u realise,
that at the end, its just 0uch.

now, im lost.
caught in the middle of nowhere.
maybe i`ll just go back to being my one man guy.
yeahh.

it doesnt matter if i can change ur decision or not.
i mean, if i changed ur decision for you,
then it wouldnt have been your decision.
and i dont need me to be happy.
i`ve lived my life like that for over 20 years now.
it doesnt really matter.
so whatever it is, your decision,
in the end, that will be it.
i dont want to interfere in it.

gnil*

2006-05-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

you*re all that i`ll ever want.

sprained.

2006-05-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

hiro has just sprained his leg but apparently, its like nobody really cares. xD

quite disappointing.
i mean, i thot at least somebody would.
but nope.
^^"

arhaha. thats life, aint it. :o

but nevermind, i know my blog cares. :D
so i shall tell him how i sprained my leg.

i was carrying this heavy box.
i walked down the first flight of stairs.
and then another, then came the third.
first step. second step.
i stepped on my pants.
tripped, and fell down the rest of the 8 steps. -_-"
so cool... and i sprained my leg in the process. xD

and so im home slightly earlier than normal.
just to rest. (:
ALONE. >_< !

byebye.

Topicless :x

2006-05-04T03:38:00.000+08:00

i have so many things on my mind that i wanna say. and i havent been blogging for so long. xP

first things first.
life is 0mg! extremely busy.
sighh. tiring.
days when im on duty,
i can only go home after 2230?
just because of this freaking general election -.-
and after this, coming soon,
NDP.
and then, IMF World banking.
i feel so pwntifieded ! G_G

okay next.
i feel quite sad.
u know how sometimes people tell you,
that they`ll be your best/good friend ?
and it turns out that in the end,
that commitment doesnt last.
its like a lie. hmm. ahh well.
like someones been reminding me this past few days,
thats life. hahas. (:

and one more thing,
i`m gonna go for my driving lessons soon (:
and i`m gonna go get braces too,
cos if you`re observant enough to notice,
my teeth, thou straight,
they`re all quite far apart.
i wanna STICK them back =x hahas.

okay one last thing.
S,BHYMY. xD !!

temptation.

2006-04-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

i`ve realised this so long ago. but yet, i never wanted that thot to cross my mind. still, there has always been this temptation...

you know how people always say that only really cherish someone when that someone is gone. i never realised it was so true until today. hmm. hah!

sight.

2006-04-23T03:08:00.000+08:00

blessed are these pair of eyes bestowed upon me.
yet sometimes, i wish i was blind.
sight is sometimes a torment.

life is just so full of shit.

我是俊皓。

2006-04-22T15:11:00.000+08:00

i feel like i`m being torn apart. everything is so messed up. maybe i should just go out and have fun? i guess it helps somehow. but not for the long run. i`ll come up with a solution soon thou. i always do. just because 我是俊皓。

good day all.

temper.

2006-04-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

im born with a temper. a temper so wild, so crazy, so saddistic, .. so me. i was born with it, and it will be with me til the day i die, for this, i am sure.

htaed

2006-04-12T15:57:00.000+08:00

death always seems tempting everytime we quarrel....

Back. (:

2006-04-11T00:58:00.000+08:00

hah ! my blogs been dead for quite long huh? well thats just simply me being lazy. i dunno why, but i have no motivation to blog. everydays a tiring day. LOL. hmmm. i dunno.. even if my day was happy, good, sad, bad, whatever, im just tired. just TIRED everyday! rawr ! ns lahh ! make me wake up at 0630hrs everyday -.- ~ so sai! >=( i dun like ns.. but actually, i think i still quite like it. at least i still have some fun. and my day passes faster than usual (: okay, so im back to update about my life so someday i can read it again and laugh at myself . HEH ! =D okay so life in ns is still not bad up til now. besides the fact that.. well, it tires me out most of the time -.- cos i have to carry stuff here and there. move thing from here to there. and those stuff are simply NOT LIGHT. G_G .. oh doesnt matter.. i wanna jian fei anyways.. and this helps ! :D and im gonna start going to the gym soon. i`ve brot clothes to change and stuff. yup. so im gonna be even more tired than usual now! hahas! xP but it doesnt really matter. tired makes me feel good. sweat makes me feel good. and good is.. well, good! ((: hahas. i like good ! but still, i`m gonna have to find a book to read, and fast. or i`m just gonna be bored to death in the office during like all the free time. -.-" crap. .. .. .. .. k, i feel sleepy now! =_= ~~~~ zZz... lets just stop here. LOL. oh yah, before i go, im gonna buy a new phone ! but im not gonna tell any of you what it is yet! :DD secret secret. =x until i get it, then im gonna take pictures of my new phone and show it to everyone! provided i know how to put pictures on this bloody thing. -.- notice i nv have pictures in my blog? THATS BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT THEM UP. AND NOBODY HAS TAUGHT ME HOW TO. >=( hahas. oh well, i know someone will soon. i think? i hope? somebody? ANYBODY? PLEASE?! T.T ~~ hahas. K, NOW, SLEEP. Z_Z goodnights all. i`ll blog again soon. I PROMISE. really! SOON. :D byebye!

no, not now...

2006-04-03T23:04:00.000+08:00

why why why?! ...

shit! just when i feel so pissed i could kill someone,
and all i wanted was to talk,
you have to be sarcastic,
you have to be busy.

why now, of all times.?!

shit.

i miss you

2006-04-01T02:06:00.000+08:00

you`re not here.
i miss you.
really.

<3 please take care.

Jesus ? hmmm.

2006-03-30T02:42:00.000+08:00

i just watched this movie Judas on HBO this morning. well, talking about christianity and stuff of course. how jesus could heal anything, and bring back the dead and etc. they said that jesus was born because god picked some random woman and said she has favoured god and she will give birth to a son and his name will be jesus. huh? why must god pick someone to give birth to the child of god? and then again, he lived to perform miracles and then die for the sins of man ? isn`t that like god created this dood to advertise god himself? and how does jesus die atone for the sins of man? even after the death of jesus, life still goes on as normal. people still do sinful things. doh?! im not being biased or anything. but i really dont understand. can anybody enlighten me? or is what i said true? :o and even if jesus did die to atone the sins of man. he did it only in that area he died in? whats the place called? jerussalam or something? im not sure. o.o but yea. everything was just done there, so god only exsists there and nowhere else ? hmmm. alrights, thats just some thots. i`ve been to different churches dozens of times, and none of the pastors could make me really believe in christianity. to me, like all other religions, christianity is just another religion that people just rely on to let out their frustrations. you know, thats why people are like so into some religions sometimes. and its especially those who had very big problems that are like crazy over this religion stuff. yep, so thats how i think about the whole religion stuff. nothing more than a scam. but i do believe that theres just this special holy being out there somewhere. but its just not in any of the religions. its just in everyones heart! ((:

this 2 words.

2006-03-26T02:57:00.000+08:00

this 2 words someone once said to me.
it keeps resounding in my head,
again and again,
eating me from inside.

NEAR IMPOSSIBLE !

goodnight bitches and bastards.

erased.

2006-03-26T02:47:00.000+08:00

soon my wall will be painted.
everything will be gone.
nothing will be left.
not a trace of anything.
everything will be erased.
eradicated. gone.
good or bad,
right or wrong.
just gone.

i`ve done it.
i`ve stepped past that line.
i`ll just leave sanity behind.
i`ll just be the me i`ve always been said to be.
that evil, saddistic, badboy me.

heh. so now,
like my wall,
everything will be erased.
my past, my present.

i used to have a name,
i think it was hiro.
i dont think i`ll go by that anymore.
i dont need a name anymore.

...
i need, no love.

i think..

2006-03-25T07:04:00.000+08:00

ouch.
near impossible.
hahaha! i feel like im i fell from moon to earth.
and then i go SPLAT!
yayy. haha.
im yet another step closer to going crazy.

开心！

2006-03-24T03:57:00.000+08:00

*ling!

hahas. todays been good. (: if every other days like today, i`ll be a very happy hiro!

就因为你的一句我爱你，
让我不再哭泣。
就因为我爱你，
我会变得坚强！
就只因为简简单单的一句我爱你。

i`ve lost.

2006-03-22T00:56:00.001+08:00

protect yourself from me.
dont come near me.
i`ve lost myself, totally.
.. hah.. hahaa... ha..

i have made my final decision.
this is it.
it has come to this.

...

i cant do this..
:(
no final decision.
its too scary a decision to make.

love.

i`ve lost.

2006-03-22T00:56:00.000+08:00

protect yourself from me.
dont come near me.
i`ve lost myself, totally.
.. hah.. hahaa... ha..

i have made my final decision.
this is it.
it has come to this.

...

today

2006-03-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

OUCH !

hahas. i have bruises all over my arm now T.T
something bad happened today. =( and its my fault again! its always me. argh! hiro has gotta do something about this. >=( srsly.. sighh. sorry.
nothing much happened today besides the fact that i slept throughout the whole dayy. o.o being myself. =p ordered mac. ate abit. slept again. sorry. ... i have nothing to blog about. ! rawr.-end

help.

2006-03-21T04:40:00.000+08:00

sometimes i dont understand why i do what i do just to torment myself. it makes me feel far worse than i already am. but i just wanna feel tormented.. have i really gone crazy? the more i dont wanna think about stuff, the more they eat into my mind. like a diesease eating me from inside out..

help...

now i understand..

2006-03-21T02:12:00.000+08:00

i never understood much about everything thats going on about my life recently until today. piece by piece, and now the jigsaw is complete. i see the picture now. sometimes i wonder why i insist on being the good guy, that good boy, the one that tries to go around trying to be nice, to please, even when it hurts so bad. im getting sick and tired of a life like this. i used to always have this badboy look.. well thats what everyone says. im thinking, why not i just complete the whole package? why should i be the good guy when it never really pays off? so now here i am, hanging by a thread, deciding, good or bad... so dont push me too hard, or i might just go crazy. im not referring to anyone in particular, just the whole lot of you that happens to appear in my life.

heres a lil something that i just realised today too. everytime i argue with someone, and they have like nothing to argue back, they just say, "so now everything's my fault?" so in my heart im like wth? i mean, u go about arguing your point and i argue mine, and it ends up being, so everythings my fault now?, and what am i sposed to say..? like, i know im wrong at certain points, but you are to.. its not like i have the last say means im right and you`re wrong. -_-x 3 significant people in my life has done that to me.. lynette, jiayi, and MY MOM. ahh well ~ but my mom`s version is more fierce and threatening. HAHAS. -end.

today`s quite okay. besides the fact that i almost went crazy. yeaa. everything else before and after that went well. and once again my day is complete. ((: as always. im glad.

我爱你是一种改变不了的事实。

i dont like backviews!

2006-03-20T04:05:00.000+08:00

this black band on my left hand. thats all that matters.

i feel...

2006-03-20T01:09:00.000+08:00

its not like i didnt apologise.

我心里的那种悲，就只有我明白。
我爱的那个你，也不明白我有多爱你。

我爱你，没理由，没条件。
为你付出的一切，不期待回报。
只想要你明白，我是真的真的真得很爱你。

thankyou.

2006-03-16T01:42:00.000+08:00

you always say everything when its too late. you`re so silly.

pissed off, totally.

2006-03-15T13:19:00.000+08:00

you know who you are.
z.

you just dont understand do you?
i only said no for your own good.
忠言逆耳？
i hope you get it.
sigh.

150306
1322hrs

被爱或悲哀？

2006-03-14T07:42:00.000+08:00

永无止境的我爱你。
只要一开始，再也没有终点。

update again!

2006-03-12T06:16:00.000+08:00

something short, but it says how i feel.

im off. im down?
i know i am.
but im down only because im unsure.
but is unsure really the right word to use?
o.o ..

sigh. <3

到底？

到底 ?

2006-03-11T23:20:00.000+08:00

it was dark; i wasn`t alone.
i stared out the window,
lights filled the street; yet everything seems dark.
everything is just not what it seems.

went out to e2max today at about 3+ to meet cloud shan sherica tammy ice lux etc etc. and they all lost! =x hahas. oh well, so we went down to e-games to slack o.o cos there was no coms available at that time. and then lynette called. went to meet her at bugis to arcade and then eat dinner and shop for her brother`s birthday gift! :D bought this necklace for him. think it`ll look good on him o.o yea. and then sent lyn home and then now im here o.o" and shan is staring at me blog right now -____________________________________-" ... LOLS, she ask me to say "SHAN VERY CUTE." (yar right! :x) lols, lynette said so too. -_-.. walaoeh. hahas.

oh yea, dinner at billy bombers? issit? lols dunno how to spell lah. but yah. they have very bian tai service there. thou the waitress there serve well. but then, -.- .. they serve cheese fries with no fork. and sirlion steak with 2 knives and again no forks? like HOW TO EAT WITH 2 KNIVES?! lols. but the food there is good. and in very big portions. o.o " heh.

yep. thats all i guess. for now. may update again later. o.o (:
<3 nights.

未来

2006-03-11T09:11:00.000+08:00

i feel afraid.
does anyone understand?
no, im really not all that strong.
im not that scared-of-nothing kinda guy.
not when i`m alone..

hiro has lotsa stuff cramped up inside.
hiro has no idea how to deal with it.
i think hiro agrees with lyn when lyn said,
hiro is weak.
but hiro will be strong, or so he hopes..
when that day comes, he will be strong again.
from hiro to the world, he promises.

.. `ãdDic†iOn-

true.

2006-03-06T02:56:00.000+08:00

clarence is going to act kelian infront of grace and lynette alr. and im not gonna care. im sick of him. really.

asdf, what a nice way to start an entry. anyways, besides that. today has been a good day. dont really wish to elaborate, but i just wanna put this something here.. (:

TRUE

I won't talk, I won't breathe
I won't move 'till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think, I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you, mmm
I'm weak, it's true
'Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too
'Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know, what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

goodnight <3

trust.

2006-03-06T02:26:00.000+08:00

i have none left for you,

fuck you clarence.

be honoured im even putting up a post here just for you.

把爱忘了吧。

2006-03-04T11:17:00.000+08:00

我用烟来迷惑自己；
用酒来麻醉自己；
用玩乐来暂时忘记；
用歌唱来放松自己。
但是，
在迷惑中，却看到了你；
在麻醉中，感觉到你；
在想忘记，却又想起了你；
在歌唱时，唱起了我那痛苦的心情。

爱好难，放不下。
笑好苦，哭更伤。

看着那熟悉的背影逐渐离去，
无奈的留下地一滴眼泪。
想放开你，但却又舍不得你离去。
爱一个人好难。

invasion of an angel.

2006-02-28T19:14:00.000+08:00

heylo! =D

okay.
hiro is officially on medical leave.
so lynette is here to take over his job. =D

you see.
that hiro is quite .. -coughs. WEAK.
yeah.
though he denies it quite often.
but we all know the truth, RIGHT? ;)

so yah.
lynette, being the ever-strong one, [everyone agrees. (:]
is here being miss angelic
and doing HIS work for him
F.O.C!

=DD

okay. that was crappy.
but yah.
for entertainment purposes. ^^

takecares.
have a great week ahead.
love. (:

i cannot rmb..

2006-02-27T10:59:00.000+08:00

thou i cant really rmb exactly whats been happening the past few days, but all i know is i had fun. every passing day feels as complete as the next. (: thank you` and all of the yous that contribute to make each day as complete. ok, but theres this person, not very known to my friends. this person, well, ever since the day. that day.. i dont want to say much, but this person, has overstayed hheirs welcome. my life, my home. etc -_-. yea yea. but there is one person i wanna thank. for being with me for all the while, be it if i needed someone, or just for the sake of going out, and everything else in between. thank you lynette. xiexieni. (:

一个人生活

我想我*不*可以习惯一个人生活
我想我*不*可以假装不成爱过。

爱你不须理由。
疼你，我全心付出。
只要你开心，
我什么都愿意。

I.O.U

2006-02-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

7 posts for the date of 210206 and 270206. will be updated tmr. way too tired for it today. (from 2 to 7 T.T)

-hugs. goodnights. wan.an.
拿了起来，却发现放不下来。
现在的我，该如何是好，该何去何从。
这无奈的心情，你会明白吗？

aight, aight.. -_-

2006-02-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

o.o i promised a post, so heres a post. yep. today ! argh. tired o.o thou i didnt go to work. hahas. =p i was too lazy to get up and bathe and go to work. yucks. but who cares. i just conveiniently went to get an mc. and im at home ! and after that lyn asked me and clarence out for marche and then to partyworld to K. srsly, i dont understand why people like to K at party world. YUCKS! lols. and its really not any cheaper please. the place just looks more cheapo. LOL. ahh well, enough of that. after my most horrible K-ing session, we went to play pool ._." and i owned, as usual. =x quite tired. realise my eyes were all red and all. probably too dry. oh well, then we went home, at about 11. send lynette home first then back home myself. thats feels so routine now. hahas. then on the way back, taxi man asked, why you never go back first? pass by your house leh. i was like, so late already! how can u expect her to go home herself? somemore she`s not feeling well. hahas! the uncle was quite pleasant to talk to. (: and then here i am, home with nothing to do but blog ^^; wan.an!

一天一点，逐渐累积。
慢慢发现，爱上了你。
你不明白，暗恋的痛。
你不了解，暗示的一切。
害怕表白，宁愿受伤。
不愿承受，分离的痛。
再多的痛我也无所为，
因为你的笑容能瓦解一切的痛。
我是真的真的真得很爱你。

-this post has been postponed to tomorrow due to the lag in hiro`s almost dying brain.-

this brain has been found dysfunctional.

stuff !

2006-02-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

the convo between me and lynette:-

feel like nothing more than sadness personified. i'mtired.seekingsolaceinmusic. says:
eh, go update your blog and let me read. :D

BURN THOSE TIES! -Aikanáro. ☺☻ ☣lllllllllllllll™ says:
LOL. whats there to update? T-T

i feel like nothing more than sadness personified. i'mtired.seekingsolaceinmusic. says:
write stuff. :D

BURN THOSE TIES! -Aikanáro. ☺☻ ☣lllllllllllllll™ says:
LOL ok.

so here goes, my entry today...

STUFF!

the end.

(: some accomplishments.

2006-02-19T10:51:00.000+08:00

For the year 2006 so far, ...
Final Theory passed !
Read 3 storybooks (360 pages avg.) (:
Made a few new friends,
alot from kaldorei, too many to name,
from ns as well, namely,
Fathur, Nevin, Radzis, Irman, Norizwan,
Hidir, Khairon, Syed, Affendy, Azmi
these are those that i see everyday,
and a few more from other offices. (:

xx

thats all for now!

this is one post i`ll keep updating as time goes by.

i wanna record down my accomplishments.

i wanna be reminded.

i dont wanna live each day thinking,

life sucks, let me die.

haha.

like a puppet in your hands,

your will, my actions.

played with like the toy i am in your eyes,

i can take no more.

i cant hold on, i cant let go!

so free me; from the strings that binds my soul.

take me away; to where all good men go.

... or,

just let me die; leave my soul to eternal torment.

let me be; for i wish to be bound no more!

if He who is light, creator of life, truly exists,

show me ur wrath, prove your existance,

burn those ties, and show me once again the likes of liberation!

我的第一个chinese post!

2006-02-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

我对你，日久生情。
慢慢发现，无法自拔。
爱上了你，一发不可收拾。
一日不见，念念不忘。
面对面，我不自在。
最后一句，对不起我爱你。

alright, thats smth i came up with while i was in the cab. hahas. im to caught up between my emotions that funny things just pop into my head. like, PIAK, ouch! and tadah, its in. and then its here. boring friday. =( went str8 home right after work! first time after so long. hahas. oh wells. live with it hiro. =p goodnight.

test test. o.o

2006-02-17T07:12:00.000+08:00

暗恋的那种滋味，有一点痛。

靠近你，突然有一种莫名的感动。

final theory driving test!

2006-02-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

aha ! i passed with the first attempt, just because i desperately didnt wanna fail. i studied and i passed. miracles DO happen. even hiro will study for a stupid test. HAHAS! and most importantly, pass it. im impressed, by myself. hahahas! =p

i shared the news with almost everyone that knew about me having my test today.

my most sincere apologies

2006-02-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

to this one i`ve hurt so badly.
i`m sorry.
i nv meant to bring this upon you.
i nv meant anything of that sort u think me to be.
i clearly understand my fault in doing what i have done.
thou u deem such actions childish and immature,
i can only defend myself when i say, anger blinds me.
for that, i do not push away my respondsibility,
or hope for forgiveness.
i apologise tonight because i see a need to.
i have seen the need to more than a week ago.
but pride and ego got the better of me.
i couldnt find the right time to say it.
for when i did try to,
the "big event" in your life came.
i, having already done much harm,
couldnt bear to let more harm come to you.
well, this may have come too late,
but still, i hope better late than never.
im sorry, for all i have done.
now regretful, remorseful.
i know there is nothing that i can do to stop all this pain.
but still, sorry.
sorry is the only thing i can make out.

.daodai.
zhong yu kan kai ai hui bu lai
wo men mian qian tai duo zhu ai
.wo de shou que fang bu kai
ku zhe jiao .ni liu xia lai

zhong yu kan kai ai hui bu lai
wo men mian qian tai duo zhu ai
.wo de shou que fang bu kai
ning yuan mei chu xi, qiu .ni bie li kai.

disappointing

2006-02-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

news, that of much importance, should be shared, not answered, no matter good or bad. isn`t that so? ... i thank the only one that shared her piece of news. the rest of you.. i am disappointed.

daodai.

iohr

2006-02-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

this hiro is dead.

scared. so afraid.
i dont wanna be alone.
so dark, so silent.

gradual, eventual,
numb overwhelming.
this hiro; hes dead.

thghilneem

2006-02-09T07:38:00.000+08:00

more than once, i`ve made remarks about people i dislike and hate, remarks so mean, it may have hurt them in more ways than one. and there was this particular one, i`ve passed on many judgements on this one. made remarks about this one that doesn`t sound like me anymore. i did all this because the things this one has done, is what i told myself, i would never do. things like this i would never do. but soon enough, i look at the things this one does, and i look back and what i have done. what different am i from this one i once hated, that i once despise. i am.. no different.

duibuqi.

okay enough

2006-02-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

stop all this already lah. i wanna move from here already. again.. i`ll update again later. zz

cl_excuses 101

2006-02-03T14:47:00.000+08:00

aiya. fuck.

do you ?

2006-02-03T06:43:00.000+08:00

bound by the limitations of words,

i am unable to express.

broken, exhausted, wasted, destroyed. thats whats all thats left of me now. so good night, and goodbye.

finally ...

2006-02-01T19:45:00.000+08:00

eyes not bright enough,

brain not smart enough,

reaction not fast enough,

heart not big enough.

bottom line ?

hiro not good enough !

yep. just because im never good at expressing myself. i`ve destroyed myself, my love, my friendship, kinship and all. all because im just not good at expressing myself. but no ! nobody understands this. all they do is blame me for the bad i`ve done, leaving behind the good i`ve always tried to do. =\ this sounds so familiar. like i`ve said it somewhere before. i know i have, and for a moment, i remember someone.. someone who made me feel i was appreciated, that made me change my impression of how i felt. although i cannot quite remember who was it. but it felt good while it lasted. i guess my never being able to express myself properly chased the person away too? i cannot remember at all. okay, now not only is my brain not smart enough, its not even in working condition -.-...

okay, besides that. i wanna apologise to my "long lost" auntie serene ! ~.~" dui bu qi ! i`ll explain it to you some other time okay. i know auntie sure understand de right?! xD

finally... i understand.

on the third day of this lunar new year ...

2006-01-31T07:11:00.000+08:00

almost.. so close..

i`ve decided to end all god-siblingship, friends always sounds so much better. and as of today, no more. no korkor, didi .. and etc. (: and hey, it doesnt mean that if we`re all not god siblings anymore, we can`t be good friends, right? :D i`ll still treat you all the same way ! just in a different name.

and yet, i feel so distant.

Happy Lunar New Year.

2006-01-29T11:43:00.000+08:00

heyy ! happy lunar new year to one and all ! (: and happy birthday to one who has her birthday one day before this lunar new year, lynette ng qi jun.

`tNeRffiD. thats all i wanna be.

an empty embrace which only one will fit.

will this lil one understand my secret wish?

on a day such as this.

2006-01-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

on a day such as this, i`ve decided many things.

dislikes.

2006-01-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

No. 1 dislike.
- prefer not to disclose.

No. 2 dislike.
- being unable to go to places i want to go.

No. 3 dislike.
- to work as hard as you can and be paid like a dog.

No. 4 dislike.
- to see my family and friends get bullied.

No. 5 dislike.
- to regret.

everything i`ve said above has got to do with my everyday life in one way or another, as much as it doesnt sound like it, it has another meaning to it.

work binds me from the liberty i yearn.

life !

2006-01-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

hahas, i heard some complains of me not updating my blog enough? and they want photos too? okay, i know not updating is because i`m lazy. plain lazy. i can`t help it. and photos? i don`t know how to post photos on blogs ! how?! someone teach me how? (=

okay nobody really knows what goes on in my life right? so now i finally find something nice(?) to share with everyone. well everyone knows im a policeman of some sort right? hahas. if YOU don`t, you`re seriously not my friend. =p currently posted to AMK Div Police HQ, under Support & Technical which in short means logistics which in simpler terms mean a job meant for bangalas. hahaha! its true. all we do is when people need to move either wanted or unwanted stuff in bulk, they`ll call for us to move everything for them. whats so sad about this job is that we`re freggin underpaid! ahh well. so i start work at 0830 hrs and ends at 1800 hrs. 10 hrs a day for a 5 days week for a month with a measley pay of SGD$400. so currently, thats all about my life. = so very lifeless. THE END.

am i that scary? sorry.

wrong !

2006-01-14T06:45:00.000+08:00

i find it quite sad when i`m willing to do anything for someone, i can never expect the person to do the same back. is it really that hard ? quite sad. up til now, NOT ONE PERSON.

YOU'RE SELFISH. The worst guy i've ever met. Really.

2nd day of work.

2006-01-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

hmm, all the breifings for new comers are already done. yeah, and tmr, work is gonna start. i`m looking forward to it, but at the same time, scared of what might be going on tmr. but its okay, man only fear what they do not understand. i believe time will take care of everything for me. (: hmm, nothing much happened today. so i dont really have anything much to update and i have to sleep soon. tired day. havent had enough sleep recently. quite saddening. yea, so that`ll be all for today. goodnights.

no matter what.